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As A Cryptozoologist, I Get Weird Emails

Posted by: Loren Coleman on December 17th, 2009

Okay, you must know that being a cryptozoologist opens up the gates to hell, now and then, literally, it seems, and I receive some of the darnest emails.

Take today, December 17th. This just came in, I kid you not:

“Satan Captured!” article notification:
From: Sun (tabloid)
Date: October 5, 2009
Page: 25
Original article from Weekly World News

Place: Donskoy, Russia:”Monks in a monastery on the banks of the Don River claim they have seized Satan and are struggling valiantly to hold him prisoner until reinforcements arrive….”

Request: Could you check into this story, about Satan beng captured. I only read about it and thought, that it is a job for cryptozoologists. The article says that the monks are in need of help immediately. Your help in the matter of Satan’s capture needs your or your colleagues help, quickly, please.
Thank you,
[Name deleted]

Sorry, the capture, holding, and classification of Satan is way outside the parameters of the work of serious cryptozoologists. ~ Loren

About Loren Coleman
Loren Coleman is one of the world’s leading cryptozoologists, some say “the” leading. Certainly, he is acknowledged as the current living American researcher and writer who has most popularized cryptozoology in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Starting his fieldwork and investigations in 1960, after traveling and trekking extensively in pursuit of cryptozoological mysteries, Coleman began writing to share his experiences in 1969. An honorary member of Ivan T. Sanderson’s Society for the Investigation of the Unexplained in the 1970s, Coleman has been bestowed with similar honorary memberships of the North Idaho College Cryptozoology Club in 1983, and in subsequent years, that of the British Columbia Scientific Cryptozoology Club, CryptoSafari International, and other international organizations. He was also a Life Member and Benefactor of the International Society of Cryptozoology (now-defunct). Loren Coleman’s daily blog, as a member of the Cryptomundo Team, served as an ongoing avenue of communication for the ever-growing body of cryptozoo news from 2005 through 2013.


20 Responses to “As A Cryptozoologist, I Get Weird Emails”

  1. DWA responds:

    But BISCARDI KNOWS! All we have to do is ask him, he’ll tell us he knows! THE TRUTHINESS MUST BE TOLD…

  2. Larry responds:

    I remember that story from a Twilight Zone episode. John Carradine played the monk who captured Satan. Here is the Wikipedia synopsis.

  3. mystery_man responds:

    Ah but Loren, it comes from such a well respected and reputable news source.

    Good luck to the monks. It must be a hell of a day for them. I hope they don’t get too hot under the collar about the whole thing. Maybe they’ll be lucky and it’ll be nothing to get too fired up about. Anyway, I do hope the get the HELLp they need.

    Oh, Ok, I’ll stop now.

  4. tropicalwolf responds:

    I’m on my way. I’ll swing by and pick you up, Loren. DWA can come too, along with the rest of the Cryptomundo regulars (or should I say “Regulators”). Let’s go kick some satanic butt!

  5. Isaiah responds:

    Cryptozoology and religion have no connections with each other. Cryptozoology is logical, unlike religion. Sorry that you have to deal with nuts like tabloid magazines. Loren, please let us know if they reply to your email.

    Isaiah

  6. geekomancer responds:

    Not if the story only came from Pravda….

  7. poodpood responds:

    Maybe the reporter has dyslexia and they actually caught Santa.

  8. coupeVdeville responds:

    I will have him.

    He would make a fine touch to my Xmas display…..Lets see my neighbour at number 15 top that!!!!!!!

    A Merry Xmas to all ;)

    Loren…..Please keep me informed if they happen to capture a Santa.

  9. lukedog responds:

    I thought Holy Water and a crucifix was standard issue in any crypto emergency pack. To Russia with you Loren.

  10. jtmkryptos responds:

    hey don’t let biscardi get all the satan capturing credit let his little redneck friends who sold him the dead bigfoot get in on the action…

  11. JMonkey responds:

    Sorry guys, Looks like I will have to set this one out. I am already burning up the road this time of year. As much as I would enjoy this trip into the abyss, I just have too many irons in the fire. So I guess I must say goodbye Satan, hello Santa. Merry Christmas all.

  12. cryptocajun responds:

    Maybe they’ll put him in a refrigerator and stuff him with possum guts! Could get them a quick 50k in Biscardi bucks!

  13. planettom responds:

    Sounds like a job for Sam and Dean of Supernatural! Ha! Too funny. ;-)

  14. red_pill_junkie responds:

    The power of CRYPTO compels you!!! :-P

  15. cryptidsrus responds:

    AHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHTTTTT!!!

    Satan’s cornered!!!

    Let’s go call the nearest exorcist!!! :)

    Oh yes, Isaiah…

    Religion CAN BE “logical.” It depends on what you mean by “illogical” and “logical.”

    Just saying.

    Not meaning to “start” anything here, BTW.

    Great post.

    At least a good time was had by all—don’tcha think, Loren???

  16. Isaiah responds:

    Cryptidsrus, I agree with you. There are plenty of logical religions, I was referring to Christian fundamentalist beliefs like the above story. I have a great deal of respect for other religion…but not for Christianity.

    Isaiah

  17. springheeledjack responds:

    Now, now…this could just be a new cryptid…a red, horned humanoid…with the pointy tail…heck it could be cousin to the wild man…maybe a hairless, sunburned genetically inferior wild man…

    Then again, maybe they just need an old priest and a young priest…

  18. arewethereyeti responds:

    Probably just otters swimming in a row…

  19. stranger responds:

    Ahh, Russia. The land of too much vodka and too much spare time.

  20. yesl9ek responds:

    I bet “Satan” and the exorsist are like best buddys.He should have him on speed dial or something. :D



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