Do What?

BELFAIR, Washington —

Nancy Hoggert told Big Foot Tracker that she and the infamous bigfoot have been in a sexual relationship since 2008 and are “trying to start a family.” She claims that Bigfoot lives in Mason County, Washington and that she first encountered the beast while tending to her “marijuana grow.”

“Bigfoot was standing there eating all the buds off my plants,” Hoggert said. “At first I wanted to run cause he’s very scary, but I thought he might eat all of my marijuana plants and that’s how I used to make a living. I pointed my shotgun at him and he put up his hands, scared.”

“That’s when I looked down and noticed he had a huge erection between his legs. I hadn’t gotten any in a while and well, from there, it somehow turned into an adult movie. I don’t know if he started it or I did. He did me from behind, which felt great.”

Hoggert said the relationship blossomed from just “sex partners’ into a deep love.

“He is so sweet and caring,” Hoggert said. “He brings me flowers and mushrooms. Holds me while we stargaze. The only downside is that he don’t speak English. I have taught him how to say my name, but it’s kind of garbled and he mispronounces it…’Nunnnsay’”

Hoggert said they’re trying for a baby, with no luck thus far, but she is confident it will happen even though she is 52.

“Once I’m pregnant, Bigfoot, or John as I call him, and I are going to settle down and live a quiet domesticated life in my house. He loves living in the forest, but I’m sick of the long-distance relationship. I have to commute for three hours to be with my man. It’s getting old and gas is expensive.”

Hoggert also said she’s going to legally change her last name to Nancy Bigfoot.

Of course, the big question… will she reveal Bigfoot to the public? Will humanity finally have living proof the mythological creature is real?

“Nah,” Hoggert said regarding presenting Bigfoot to the world. “Government scientists will just take and dissect him or try to turn him into a solider to fight ISIS or something. You know how the government is.”

She did say she will sell pictures and samples of Bigfoot’s fur through a website she plans to set up.