January 28, 2010

Shark Theory

Craig Woolheater’s Shark Theory

I put together this theory quite a few years ago. It came about in an instance when I encountered the statistics that stated that you were more likely to die by being struck by lightning than you were by being attacked by a shark.

I am a child of the 60’s, and as such, I saw the film Jaws as an impressionable teen.

And quite the impression it made on me!

That film cured me of the want and desire to swim, wade, or even dip my toes in the surf.

My feeling is why should I enter the ocean and become a rung on the aquatic food chain.

Lightning I can deal with. I have to be out and about sometimes in a thunderstorm. The ocean, I don’t. I can pretty much take sharks out of the friggin’ equation.

People say, what if you are in a plane and it goes down in the ocean? True, I have no control over that. I could become chum. My hope would be not to survive the crash to be around for the sharks.

I have also recently come up with a cryptid corollary.

I call it “The Creature From The Black Lagoon Corollary”.

This is closely related to the Shark Theory. It, however, covers fresh water, as opposed to salt water.

This corollary stated do not go into water where you can’t see the bottom.

You might be tempted to amend it to being able to see your feet, but don’t.

You have no idea what be lurking in the depths just waiting to grab you and drag you down to the depths.

Case in point:

On August 21, 1955, Mrs. Darwin Johnson had a terrifying encounter with what she claimed was a hideous creature beneath the surface of the Ohio River near Evansville, Indiana. While enjoying a leisurely swim with a friend (one Mrs. Chris Lamble), Mrs. Johnson claims that she was suddenly clutched around the knee by a large, claw-like hand.

Only 15-feet from shore, Mrs. Johnson struggled to disengage herself and head for safety. Mrs. Lamble could only stare in horror as her distraught friend was yanked beneath the surface of the river. Miraculously, Mrs. Johnson managed to kick her leg free, but almost instantly she was seized again, this time from behind.

Mrs. Lamble’s shrieks echoed across the river as she helplessly watched her friend being pulled below the river’s murky surface once again. After resurfacing a second time, Mrs. Johnson lunged for Mrs. Lamble’s inner tube and the splash of her impact apparently scared the beast away. Once back on shore, Mrs. Johnson was treated for multiple contusions on her leg, at which point it was discovered that she bore a green, palm-print shaped stain. The stain could not be removed for several days.

Although neither Mrs. Johnson, nor Mrs. Lamble, were able to get a clear or sustained look at the creature, it seems to bear a marked resemblance to the THETIS LAKE MONSTER, particularly in regards to its hostile nature.

Other researchers have even gone so far as to suggest that this incident may be related to another aquatic, Ohio area mystery, that of the LOVELAND FROGMEN.

An interesting footnote to this case was reported by Fortean investigator Terry Colvin. Colvin, who had interviewed the Johnson’s, claimed that soon after the incident Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were visited in their Godtown, Indiana home by an individual who claimed to be an Air Force Colonel.

Apparently the Colonel took extensive notes regarding Mrs. Johnson’s encounter with the Green Clawed Beast and admonished the couple to talk no further about the incident.

Located in the wilds of Victoria, British Columbia, Thetis Lake is the reputed home of a man-sized, gill-bearing humanoid known as the Thetis Lake Monster. This cryptid has been compared by some cryptozoologists to the notorious GREEN CLAWED BEAST of the Ohio River, the LIZARDMAN of Sumter, South Carolina, or the LOVELAND FROGMEN.American Monsters

Illustration courtesy of Loren Coleman’s The Field Guide to Bigfoot and Other Mystery Primates.

First brought to international attention in the early 1970’s, this grisly aberration of natural selection has been described as being nearly 5-feet tall and weighing approximately 120 lbs., with an epidermis consisting soley of silver scales. This animal’s horrifying visage is made complete by the six, razor-sharp spikes—connected to one another by a thin, membranous webbing—which are said to protrude from its amphibious skull.

With it’s dark, bulbous eyes, fish-like mouth and webbed hands, feet and ears, the Thetis Lake Monster bears more than a passing resemblance to the iconoclastic image of “The Creature From the Black Lagoon”. What lends credibility to these reports however, is the fact that for centuries North Americans natives have reported numerous—and oft times fatal—encounters with various creatures which they describe as being carnivorous, aquatic-humanoids.American Monsters

Filed under Bigfoot Report, Cryptomundo Exclusive, Eyewitness Accounts, Lake Monsters, Lizard People, Merbeings, Movie Monsters, Pop Culture, Swamp Monsters