Bigfoot Academic

Posted by: Loren Coleman on March 31st, 2007

Bigfoot Academic

Is this cell phone picture proof that celebrated ape-man scholar Bigfoot has tampered with the archaeological record?

Bigfoot Academic

Find or Fake? Scandal has enveloped Bigfoot’s most spectacular finds, including this unique pot, found by Bigfoot during his massive pedestrian survey of New Mexico’s Chaco Canyon.

Bigfoot Shocker!!
April Fool’s Day 2007

Giant ape-man academic exposed!!

American archaeologists were stunned as news broke today that a high-school student with a cameraphone caught Bigfoot in the act of planting artifacts at Burns Mound. An important Mississippian period (A.D. 900-1100) site outside of Memphis, Tennessee, Burns Mound’s discovery during a joint Bigfoot-University of North Memphis expedition was one of ARCHAEOLOGY’s Top 10 finds of 2003.

“We’re taking this very seriously,” says Bigfoot’s co-principal investigator, University of North Memphis archaeologist Louis Patlin. “While there is no definitive proof that Bigfoot has ‘salted’ the site with faked ceramic artifacts, I can confirm the university has opened an investigation. “

A year ago Cassandra Sotting, a former University of Michigan graduate student and site supervisor at Bigfoot’s excavations at Grover Mound in Illinois, created a blog to publicize her doubts about the spectacular finds at sites where Bigfoot has worked. “I was drummed out of archaeology for telling the truth about Bigfoot,” says Sotting, who is currently unemployed. “Now the whole world knows I was right. They can’t say I’m crazy any more.”

In recent years much has been made of the link between Ohio’s ancient Hopewell culture (300 B.C.-A.D. 500) and its later Mississippian counterpart. A wealth of new ceramic artifacts demonstrating the link have been discovered, virtually all of them at sites where Bigfoot was either supervising excavation or visiting for long periods of time as a guest scholar.

The scandal’s fallout may not be limited to the Mississippian/Hopewell Interaction Sphere. Bigfoot’s celebrated analysis of the ancient Anasazi culture in the American Southwest rests on his discovery six years ago of the previously unknown Mauve-on-Black-on-White pottery in New Mexico’s San Juan Basin. News that Bigfoot has been accused of planting artifacts at the Burns site sent Southwestern archaeologists scrambling to re-evaluate the numerous site reports filed by Bigfoot, some of which had resulted in the wholesale revision of the late prehistoric chronology in northwestern New Mexico.

“Bigfoot had a long history of solid, unspectacular research,” says Bill Skies, a University of Colorado at Snowmass archaeologist. “It’s really only in the past few years that he’s made a name for himself with these remarkable discoveries.” Skies predicts internal investigations of Bigfoot’s papers in the prestigious journals Science and Nature, as well as in Bigfoot Quarterly. The MacArthur Foundation can also be expected to conduct a review of Bigfoot’s $500,000 “genius” grant, awarded last year.

“It’s really a shame,” says Skies. “Bigfoot isn’t always the easiest colleague to get along with, but everyone I know thinks the world of the big guy.”

Attempts to reach Bigfoot by telephone today were unsuccessful. But an instant message from an account registered in Bigfoot’s name to Archaeology read “[Bigfoot] very much looks forward to this matter being resolved, and to continueing [sic] to contribute to the important study of Precolumbian agricultural societies in North America.”
Eric A. Powell, Senior Editor, Archaeology

There is something about this article that has sparked me to reveal tomorrow a startling conclusion that I have come to about a longterm investigation I have conducted. – Loren

Loren Coleman About Loren Coleman
Loren Coleman is one of the world’s leading cryptozoologists, some say “the” leading living cryptozoologist. Certainly, he is acknowledged as the current living American researcher and writer who has most popularized cryptozoology in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Starting his fieldwork and investigations in 1960, after traveling and trekking extensively in pursuit of cryptozoological mysteries, Coleman began writing to share his experiences in 1969. An honorary member of Ivan T. Sanderson’s Society for the Investigation of the Unexplained in the 1970s, Coleman has been bestowed with similar honorary memberships of the North Idaho College Cryptozoology Club in 1983, and in subsequent years, that of the British Columbia Scientific Cryptozoology Club, CryptoSafari International, and other international organizations. He was also a Life Member and Benefactor of the International Society of Cryptozoology (now-defunct). Loren Coleman’s daily blog, as a member of the Cryptomundo Team, served as an ongoing avenue of communication for the ever-growing body of cryptozoo news from 2005 through 2013. He returned as an infrequent contributor beginning Halloween week of 2015. Coleman is the founder in 2003, and current director of the International Cryptozoology Museum in Portland, Maine.

3 Responses to “Bigfoot Academic”

  1. LiberalDem responds:

    … tomorrow, being April 1st? 🙂

  2. DWA responds:

    And there it is.

    Bigfoot, the Barry Bonds of Archaeology.

    I had it all the way.

  3. Rillo777 responds:

    Ahh. This would explain the “Made in China” that I’ve seen stamped on some pre-columbian artifacts!!

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