Ode To A Block of Ice

Posted by: Loren Coleman on August 21st, 2008

Fictional poetic commentary from a Cryptomundo reader:

Biscardi went down to Georgia, he was looking for a body to steal.
He was in a bind ‘cos he was way behind: he was willin’ to make a deal.
When he came across this young man nursing a gunwound that he got.
Biscardi jumped upon a block of ice and said: “Boy let me tell you what:
“I bet you didn’t know it, but I’m a scam artist too.
“And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you.
“Now you play a pretty good hoaxer, boy, but give the master his due:
“I bet 50 grand and a trip to Mexico
‘cos I think I’m better than you.”
The boy said: “My name’s Matthew and it might be a sin,
“But I’ll take your bet, your gonna regret, ‘cos I’m the best that’s ever been.”

Whitton you rosin up your lies and play that youtube hard.
‘Cos hells broke loose in Georgia and Biscardi deals it hard.
And if you win you get this block of ice that’s good as gold.
But if you lose, Fox news gets your soul.

Biscardi opened up his conference and he said: “I’ll start this show.”
And fire flew from his fingertips as the body stayed with Kull.
And he showed the photos, the crowd looked bored and made an evil hiss.
While the thawing process went as planned but ended with a twist
When Biscardi finished, Matthew said: “Well you’re pretty good ol’ son.
“But if you’ll step down off that podium, I will show you how its done.”

Biscardi bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat.
He laid that gorilla costume on the ground at Matthew’s feet.
Ric Dyer said: “Biscardi come on back if you ever want to try again.
“I told you once, you son of a gun, I’m the best that’s ever been.”

The check is cashed now, run boys, run.
Biscardi and Kulls turned the heaters.
Rics laughing his ass off, counting that dough
The king of cons really should have known.
Jawbreaker, 21 August ’08

Loren Coleman About Loren Coleman
Loren Coleman is one of the world’s leading cryptozoologists, some say “the” leading living cryptozoologist. Certainly, he is acknowledged as the current living American researcher and writer who has most popularized cryptozoology in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Starting his fieldwork and investigations in 1960, after traveling and trekking extensively in pursuit of cryptozoological mysteries, Coleman began writing to share his experiences in 1969. An honorary member of Ivan T. Sanderson’s Society for the Investigation of the Unexplained in the 1970s, Coleman has been bestowed with similar honorary memberships of the North Idaho College Cryptozoology Club in 1983, and in subsequent years, that of the British Columbia Scientific Cryptozoology Club, CryptoSafari International, and other international organizations. He was also a Life Member and Benefactor of the International Society of Cryptozoology (now-defunct). Loren Coleman’s daily blog, as a member of the Cryptomundo Team, served as an ongoing avenue of communication for the ever-growing body of cryptozoo news from 2005 through 2013. He returned as an infrequent contributor beginning Halloween week of 2015. Coleman is the founder in 2003, and current director of the International Cryptozoology Museum in Portland, Maine.

13 Responses to “Ode To A Block of Ice”

  1. Cryptonut responds:

    That was ingenious! Great job….The Devil went down to Georgia….you couldn’t have picked a better tune.. 🙂

  2. cmgrace responds:

    I could not help singing to myself as I read this. LMAO

  3. Artist responds:

    Difficult meter, but the lyrics set my toe a-tappin’.

  4. Ferret responds:

    Well I never thought I’d see the day, a cryptozoological parody of “Devil Went Down to Georgia” by the Charlie Daniels Band! Nice song to whoever wrote it!

  5. John L. Johnsen responds:

    Although Charlie Daniels is alive and well…he is STILL rolling over in his grave. 🙂

  6. Bigfoot Adventurer responds:

    Great job on the paraody of the Devil Went Down to Georgia. Has anyone thought that Biscardi may have yet another grand scam in mind?

  7. Kimble responds:

    Aw man! I posted a parody of that song two days ago :(.

  8. Rogutaan responds:

    Haha, thats great. I don’t even know the whole real version, but for the parts I know I was trying to sing in tune.

  9. Munnin responds:

    I’m not exactly sure how Mr. Daniels might feel about it, but it’s well done. I keep trying to imagine how Wierd Al Yancovic would arrange it.

  10. Lightning Orb responds:

    That was interesting… too bad the actual hoax wasn’t nearly so entertaining

  11. MinnBob responds:

    An absolutely beautiful rendition. It brought a tear to my eye (I was laughing so hard). Weird Al, eat your heart out. Too bad possum guts couldn’t have been worked in somehow.

  12. BunniesLair responds:

    You inspired me to do me own few limricks..

    There once were some scammers named Rick & Matt,
    That filled a costume with animal fat.
    They giggled and laughed
    At Biscardi the daft,
    Until the Law said they were the ones to be poked at.

    There once were two men named Whitton and Dyer,
    A bigfoot hoax they did conspire.
    They thought it a joke,
    Took 50k from a bloke
    And now they are the ones in the line of fire.

  13. squatchbiatch responds:

    Kimble- you should have copyrighted it!
    I liked yours better!
    Either way, it sure is good to have something to laugh about.

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