Sasquatch Coffee

How To Escape A Yeti

Posted by: Loren Coleman on February 19th, 2008

tintinyeti1

I was recently talking to Boing Boing‘s David Pescovitz about the long-held belief that the best way to escape a Yeti is to run downhill.

Why might such a plan work, you ask?

tintinyeti2

I’ve been reading about the reason behind why this works for a long time.

First, the PG version:

One of the earliest records of reported footprints in Western literature appeared in 1889, in Major Lawrence Austine Waddell’s Among the Himalayas. Waddell reported his guide’s description of a large apelike creature that left the prints.

tintinyeti3

Most accounts relate that one of the tales that Waddell heard was of what today we call Yetis or Abominable Snowmen, and how to flee properly from them. Indeed, through a Sherpa’s lesson, the Major was told that to escape the Yeti one had to run down the mountainside so the beast’s long hair would fall over its eyes and be blinded when going downhill. At least, this is the way the tale has been rewritten for inclusion in proper British books.

The more adult version unfolds as in the following example. This is the one I have read and heard more often for years:

The most colorful example of connective tissue fatigue I know is to be found in the Nepalese and Tibetan lore of the Abominable Snowmen. It was said that both sexes of Yeti sometimes sought mates near human settlements. If you were chased by a male, there was nothing you could do but pray–their enormous strides could overtake even the fastest runner. But if it was female, one could get away by running downhill–their breasts are so very pendulous and hang so low that they bounce off the knees and fly up into the faces of the poor creatures, causing confusion and slowing them down enough to allow an escape.The Unkindest Cut? by William H. Beauman, The Chicago Literary Club, March 31, 1997.

Other times it was said the mere weight of the breasts would cause the female Yetis to fall down.

Some versions take into account both genders:

If being chased by a Yeti, experts say running downhill is the best way to evade them. The female Yeti have large breasts that hang down to their stomachs, thus have to cradle them or throw them over their shoulders, thereby slowing them down. The hair of the male Yeti blows in its eyes when running, so they cannot see well, slowing them down. Usual Yeti sightings have the elusive beasts going away from humans. Dr. Gregory W. Frazier, January 1, 2001.

yeti carving

Certainly, the examples from art, such as an ancient carving of a female Yeti or a drawing of Almas (below), would seem to demonstrate the supposed reality behind these bits of folk wisdom.

almas escape

For me, however, I’d want to turn around and run towards the Yeti! But that’s just me.

About Loren Coleman
Loren Coleman is one of the world’s leading cryptozoologists, some say “the” leading. Certainly, he is acknowledged as the current living American researcher and writer who has most popularized cryptozoology in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Starting his fieldwork and investigations in 1960, after traveling and trekking extensively in pursuit of cryptozoological mysteries, Coleman began writing to share his experiences in 1969. An honorary member of Ivan T. Sanderson’s Society for the Investigation of the Unexplained in the 1970s, Coleman has been bestowed with similar honorary memberships of the North Idaho College Cryptozoology Club in 1983, and in subsequent years, that of the British Columbia Scientific Cryptozoology Club, CryptoSafari International, and other international organizations. He was also a Life Member and Benefactor of the International Society of Cryptozoology (now-defunct). Loren Coleman’s daily blog, as a member of the Cryptomundo Team, served as an ongoing avenue of communication for the ever-growing body of cryptozoo news from 2005 through 2013.


23 Responses to “How To Escape A Yeti”

  1. Bob Michaels responds:

    I don’t want her, you can have her. She’s too unattractive & hairy for me!

  2. thehoch responds:

    What a horrible way to be killed, being crushed by those giant yeti’s dangling fun bags.

    Oh, the humanity!

  3. Spinach Village responds:

    I’m waiting for someone with a foot fetish to give their opinion.

  4. mystery_man responds:

    I personally don’t see why a Yeti would not be able to run downhill any more ineffectively than a human being with the same features. It seems that folklore may be playing a part here. I am fairly sure that Yeti’s are probably familiar enough with the weight of their bodies and in enough control that the technique mentioned would likely not allow for a large enough advantage to ensure escape. By the rationale given here, the way to escape a long haired psychopath or a human woman with very large breasts would also be to run downhill. Is that really the best way? Seems fairly implausible to me, although I must say I am not a long haired man nor a large breasted woman. Nevertheless, even these conditions do impede downhill running ability to the extent that escape is possible, what is a person who exhibits long hair or large breasts to do when confronted with a Yeti?

    My personal strategy when confronted by an angry, hulking, 8 foot tall Yeti would be to roll up into the fetal position, soil myself, insert thumb into mouth, and give a shout of “mama!!” for good measure. It’s science. :)

  5. imandos responds:

    mystery_man, you can not make such a claim without scientific evidence. Therefore, I suggest we all form a research group and video tape groups of large breasted human women running down hill to see how well they run and how fast. We than video tape small breasted human women running down hill and compare the times and how well they run. Perhaps viewing both groups in slow motion with the Benny Hill Chase song playing to help with the time comparisons. Of course, this is all in the name of science. Heck, if Bill Clinton were still in, I’m sure we could have received multiple grants for this important research. As for the long haired males running down hill, I’ll leave that research to our female science team. ;)

  6. ETxArtist responds:

    From my own personal experience, you really need to be proactive and take certain measures before you actually have to run. Having being chased downhill by a top-heavy young woman with long curly hair, I found my best friend was the six-pack of beer she had recently poured down her own throat. Any ideas on how to get a Yeti to do the same? Love the Tintin pictures, by the way, I used to read them when I was a pup.

  7. steele79 responds:

    um..interesting honestly if i’m being chased around by a 7-8 ft tall pissed off yeti the last thing on my mind would be is it a guy or a girl i’m not checking

  8. SOCALcryptid responds:

    Loren, Loren, Loren, if female Yetis had computers you would have a lawsuit on your hands. Ha, Ha, Ha. What a visual on the knee shooter pic. Do all female Yetis have large breasts? What a way to start the day. I can’t stop laughing. I thought that a Yeti can go down on all fours to run if it wants too. This is supposed to be one of the key differences between a yeti and a Sasquatch. I guess no one will know, if this would help the breasts stay out of the way, until we get scientific proof.

  9. red_pill_junkie responds:

    Dear God, she could use those things as deadly nunchakus!!

    HIYAAA! :-)

  10. captiannemo responds:

    I have read the Yeti’s feet are turned backward so they can’t run downhill without falling on their faces.
    Man it must REALLY be cold in Maine, big breasts my my my.

  11. DARHOP responds:

    Not very nice to be displaying the future Mrs. Coleman like that, is it Loren?
    I say the best way to escape a Yeti is to drink a Red Bull. Get your wings and fly away.
    Oh, and the Mrs. Coleman thing is an inside joke. Loren should know what I mean, if he remembers.

  12. stormwalkernz1 responds:

    “For me, however, I’d want to turn around and run towards the Yeti! But that’s just me”.

    Do you realise Loren that probably on some remote Himalayan plateau a group of yeti both male and female are sitting here contemplating the best way to run away from Loren Coleman.
    You may be responsible for the introduction of the bra to the yeti the world.
    :-)

    Sorry couldn’t resist.

    Tony Lucas
    Director New Zealand Unnatural Mystery Centre.

  13. Artist responds:

    I dunno, I’ve never had a problem getting AWAY from large-breasted females – getting CLOSE to them, yes, but…

    But that’s just me.

  14. mystery_man responds:

    imandos- Haha! Your comment put a smile on my face. Yes, I suppose that’s the only way we are going to get the evidence needed. And of course the Benny Hill music is key. Perhaps we should even have a control group without the music to make sure our data is solid. :) I’ll head up the experiment personally.

  15. cryptidsrus responds:

    MYSTERY_MAN:

    LOL. That was funny.

    STORMWALKERNZ1:

    Ditto for you.

    I can see it now:

    “Coleman’s Yeti Bras.”

    Who knows, you may have stumbled into a new side vocation for yourself, Loren!!!

    You could actually make some serious money out of this!!!

    Thanks for the article.

  16. Point Radix responds:

    I don’t think that the original reason for the advice to run downhill had much to do with hair falling in their eyes or pendulous breasts slowing them down; its just generally more sensible to run downhill if possible (so that gravity, momentum and other such things) would be acting in your favor.

    The yeti would have evolved to moving efficiently up-slope, so the fact that they’re heavier would not be much of a disadvantage to them if you had to move upwards, so the problem is, what is the best advice in a valley where the option of down does not exist?

  17. red_pill_junkie responds:

    The question no one has really made is: just what exactly you would need to do to piss a Yeti (male or female) off, so that such advises of running up-hill, down-hill, or use Old Spice cologne would be necessary to keep in mind??

  18. folcrom responds:

    I must be the only one that took this article seriously.

    I have read several other accounts similar to this with regards female homonoid cryptids.

    One was a mid 1800s record of a Texas bigfoot, a female, that was said to have out run a horse and rider that had given her chase. She is said to have thrown her breasts over her shoulders to allow her to run more quickly.

    Another was an Almasti from the Siberian region of Russia. This female Almasti also threw her breasts over her shoulders to outrun her pursuers as she fled into the forest.

    Another one, this time from the island of Flores. Native Floresians say that the the female Ebu Gogos also have extremely long pendulous breasts. These little folk were also said to throw their breast over their shoulders when fleeing.

    Is there anywhere on the web where all this sort of stuff is recorded, collated, indexed and analysed?

  19. folcrom responds:

    Nearly forgot this one.

    Amazon warrior women were said to burn off their left breasts to improve the accuracy of their bow and arrows. (Their breasts apparently got in the way)
    I guess their breasts were not pendulous enough to throw over their shoulders.

    Conclusion: Amazon warrior women were not Yetis, Almastis, Bigfoots or Ebu Gogos

  20. NightFlight responds:

    “It was said that both sexes of Yeti sometimes sought mates near human settlements.”
    After reading that I started wondering why would yetis look for mates near a settlement? Then, I scrolled down and the answer was quite ugly -er- obvious. Why would a male yeti chase after something looking that bad? But then, how could a female yeti catch a healthy male yeti? She certainly couldn’t outrun it. Somehow, I’m guessing, the females get pregnant. Do they hang around the outskirts waiting for a male to be aroused by a lovely young female Nepalese and then strike as if he’s been reading “Playboy”? I don’t know. I then wondered if the yeti might be a hybrid and has to breed with a human to actually get pregnant? But then I’ve never heard of a human woman giving birth to a yeti, either. And anyway, just conjecturing on tales and legend. And having fun.

  21. folcrom responds:

    NightFlight, I can’t help with any information about Human/Yeti hybrids.

    However, there are records in Australia of Human/Yowie hybrids.

    In this particulare case it was a Male Yowie that raped and impregnated a Female Human, back in the 1860s or 1870s.

    The resultant child (a female) was raised by it’s parents (The woman and her husband, apparently the Male Yowie had no sense of responsibility). She was said to have been very tall, strong, uncontrollably wild and covered in reddish brown hair. They kept her locked in a shed and out of sight of nosey locals. After the womans husband died, the hybrid teenager escaped into the bush and was never seen again.

  22. red_pill_junkie responds:

    Hey Folcrom, I had also read of that breasts-thrown-over-shoulders thing too. I think it was part of the mongols and caucaus tribes campfire night tales, although it does make a lot of sense.

    Maybe that problem was only present among the much-older specimens…

  23. shouldIstayorGOnow responds:

    of my expierience with bigfoot it ran on all fours and walked on two
    legs, im not positive but that my have to do with the yeti’s slowed downhill walking. this way its bodywieght is more focused forward. ahve you ever tried running down hill with most of your baody weight forward? it just seems that way it would go slower



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