Shark Theory
Posted by: Craig Woolheater on January 28th, 2010
Craig Woolheater’s Shark Theory
I put together this theory quite a few years ago. It came about in an instance when I encountered the statistics that stated that you were more likely to die by being struck by lightning than you were by being attacked by a shark.
I am a child of the 60’s, and as such, I saw the film Jaws as an impressionable teen.
And quite the impression it made on me!
That film cured me of the want and desire to swim, wade, or even dip my toes in the surf.
My feeling is why should I enter the ocean and become a rung on the aquatic food chain.
Lightning I can deal with. I have to be out and about sometimes in a thunderstorm. The ocean, I don’t. I can pretty much take sharks out of the friggin’ equation.
People say, what if you are in a plane and it goes down in the ocean? True, I have no control over that. I could become chum. My hope would be not to survive the crash to be around for the sharks.
I have also recently come up with a cryptid corollary.
I call it “The Creature From The Black Lagoon Corollary”.
This is closely related to the Shark Theory. It, however, covers fresh water, as opposed to salt water.
This corollary stated do not go into water where you can’t see the bottom.
You might be tempted to amend it to being able to see your feet, but don’t.
You have no idea what be lurking in the depths just waiting to grab you and drag you down to the depths.
Case in point:
On August 21, 1955, Mrs. Darwin Johnson had a terrifying encounter with what she claimed was a hideous creature beneath the surface of the Ohio River near Evansville, Indiana. While enjoying a leisurely swim with a friend (one Mrs. Chris Lamble), Mrs. Johnson claims that she was suddenly clutched around the knee by a large, claw-like hand.
Only 15-feet from shore, Mrs. Johnson struggled to disengage herself and head for safety. Mrs. Lamble could only stare in horror as her distraught friend was yanked beneath the surface of the river. Miraculously, Mrs. Johnson managed to kick her leg free, but almost instantly she was seized again, this time from behind.
Mrs. Lamble’s shrieks echoed across the river as she helplessly watched her friend being pulled below the river’s murky surface once again. After resurfacing a second time, Mrs. Johnson lunged for Mrs. Lamble’s inner tube and the splash of her impact apparently scared the beast away. Once back on shore, Mrs. Johnson was treated for multiple contusions on her leg, at which point it was discovered that she bore a green, palm-print shaped stain. The stain could not be removed for several days.
Although neither Mrs. Johnson, nor Mrs. Lamble, were able to get a clear or sustained look at the creature, it seems to bear a marked resemblance to the THETIS LAKE MONSTER, particularly in regards to its hostile nature.
Other researchers have even gone so far as to suggest that this incident may be related to another aquatic, Ohio area mystery, that of the LOVELAND FROGMEN.
An interesting footnote to this case was reported by Fortean investigator Terry Colvin. Colvin, who had interviewed the Johnson’s, claimed that soon after the incident Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were visited in their Godtown, Indiana home by an individual who claimed to be an Air Force Colonel.
Apparently the Colonel took extensive notes regarding Mrs. Johnson’s encounter with the Green Clawed Beast and admonished the couple to talk no further about the incident.
Located in the wilds of Victoria, British Columbia, Thetis Lake is the reputed home of a man-sized, gill-bearing humanoid known as the Thetis Lake Monster. This cryptid has been compared by some cryptozoologists to the notorious GREEN CLAWED BEAST of the Ohio River, the LIZARDMAN of Sumter, South Carolina, or the LOVELAND FROGMEN.American Monsters
Illustration courtesy of Loren Coleman’s The Field Guide to Bigfoot and Other Mystery Primates.
First brought to international attention in the early 1970’s, this grisly aberration of natural selection has been described as being nearly 5-feet tall and weighing approximately 120 lbs., with an epidermis consisting soley of silver scales. This animal’s horrifying visage is made complete by the six, razor-sharp spikes—connected to one another by a thin, membranous webbing—which are said to protrude from its amphibious skull.
With it’s dark, bulbous eyes, fish-like mouth and webbed hands, feet and ears, the Thetis Lake Monster bears more than a passing resemblance to the iconoclastic image of “The Creature From the Black Lagoon”. What lends credibility to these reports however, is the fact that for centuries North Americans natives have reported numerous—and oft times fatal—encounters with various creatures which they describe as being carnivorous, aquatic-humanoids.American Monsters
Co-founder of Cryptomundo in 2005.
I have appeared in or contributed to the following TV programs, documentaries and films:
OLN's Mysterious Encounters: "Caddo Critter", Southern Fried Bigfoot, Travel Channel's Weird Travels: "Bigfoot", History Channel's MonsterQuest: "Swamp Stalker", The Wild Man of the Navidad, Destination America's Monsters and Mysteries in America: Texas Terror - Lake Worth Monster, Animal Planet's Finding Bigfoot: Return to Boggy Creek and Beast of the Bayou.
As a life long Floridian, I have to agree with your “Creature From The Black Lagoon Corollary” (though I do spend a fair amount of time in the ocean). Without even worrying about unidentified creatures, down here alligators are a major concern, especially as swamp and marshland is filled in to make way for cookie-cutter-sub-developments. In fact, many ponds and waterways have specific “beware of alligator” signs (which are largely ignored in my area by tourists looking for somewhere to cool down or fish). I have always used one simple rule when it comes to bodies of water other than the ocean: “If you can get wet in it, there’s probably an alligator in it.” It has never let me down. Your corollary fits nicely, though in South Florida I would add the following: “and if you can see the bottom, make sure that there is nothing unpleasant waiting for you” as gators and water snakes occasionally tend to find there way into swimming pools.
Jaws, a classic to be sure. As for shark attacks, I think good ole Quint put it best when he said-
“Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark… he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin’ and the hollerin’, they all come in and they… rip you to pieces.”
I hate to freak anyone out here, but although The “Creature from the Black Lagoon” corollary is amusing, the it is unfortunately probably more psychological than anything.
A visible bottom just isn’t a guarantee of safety. A good many shark attacks happen in water that’s only a few feet deep. The same goes for alligator attacks. Most people are attacked by alligators in shallow water close to shore rather than when they are out swimming in water where they can’t see the bottom. The reality is that the conditions of most alligator attacks are in places where the bottom is more likely to be visible than not.
It’s not even sharks and alligators that can get you when you’re in water where the bottom is visible. Jellyfish, stingrays, poisonous fish or octopuses can all give you a bad day whether you can see the bottom or not. Same thing goes for things that aren’t even alive, like dangerous currents that can pull you under and away from shore.
The water being murky could be a factor. In the case of direct attacks, I suppose murkiness of the water might make a predator more bold when it thinks it can’t be easily seen. In the case of alligators it can conceal them so that you don’t even know they are there. However in a lot of cases of deadly encounters with a variety of harmful organisms, this is not necessarily a significant factor. In most cases the visibility of the bottom is more a psychological comfort for us rather than any real protection from harm I’d say.
The ocean is full of stuff that can hurt you in any depth under any visibility conditions. These organisms are not exactly out to get humans, they are just doing what they do and we are coming into more and more contact with them as the amount of people taking a swim increases.
My own corollary would be if you want to be completely sure of not getting hurt or attacked in the water, then don’t go in at all.
Sorry about the nightmares for anyone afraid of the water. 🙂
Why is it in all these tales that a high ranking military comes to tell whom ever it was to keep quite? It’s really a cookie cutter formula. The idea of aquatic and carnivorous humanoids is not outside the realm of possibility if your a student of evolution and adaptive change. I still think bigfoot is an unclassified offshoot of mountain gorilla.
Fortunately I did not see Jaws until I was an adult, so had a wonderful childhood in the waters of the South Jersey shore, even in the years when there were shark attacks. Post-Jaws, I went swimming in the beautifully clear green waters off the Florida Panhandle, and couldn’t stop looking at every passing shadow in the water!
Couldn’t this attack in the Ohio River be a large catfish? While they would not leave anything like a palm print, they are feisty and there were some very large ones around up until the pollution and fishing thinned them out.
Case in point:
Sharks Attack, Kill Surfer in Florida
I rest my case…
Did anyone else notice that the supposed palm-print was a GREEN STAIN? Now that may have been an error in transcription, or even an offhand reference to greenish bruises, but that kinda jumped out at me. I know of no animal that would leave a green stain, unless it was covered in some kind of odd algae, but even algae washes off relatively easily. Kinda smacks of body paint, doesn’t it? A young idiot diver’s prank gone wrong, perhaps? Drunk kid channeling the creature from the Black Lagoon?
Okay that’s very frightening. You know where I saw jaws? At church. Being in the Bible belt..I grew up being taken to Wednesday night church and there was a class for kids and preteens where they showers movies and then discussed what Bible lessons were in it. Weird. Well Indiana Jones and the holy Grail was obvious. But then he showed us jaws. When asked what we learned the whole room sat stunned. LOL. There was no more movie class after that. Lol
Also…I agree with your rules. The water is full of danger. Funny though…I live in granbury Texas and lake granbury is where everyone swims…(not my family). although I’d be more afraid of the filth in the lake than the so called ‘old one eye’.
Great article.JAWS didn’t bother me as much as that book my mother gave me (and she would spin tales of serpents and so forth). I don’t know what’s worse, clear water where you can see the sea monster coming out of the depth AT YOU or murky water where you don’t know where the crypo is lurking… So many unexplained critters out there, and with new species being catalogued weekly, who’s to tell you that there aren’t any water monsters?
SACRE BLEU!!!