Do What?

Posted by: Craig Woolheater on July 30th, 2015

Woman claims she is in a ‘Sexual Relationship’ with Bigfoot

BELFAIR, Washington —

Nancy Hoggert told Big Foot Tracker that she and the infamous bigfoot have been in a sexual relationship since 2008 and are “trying to start a family.” She claims that Bigfoot lives in Mason County, Washington and that she first encountered the beast while tending to her “marijuana grow.”

nancy-bigfoot

“Bigfoot was standing there eating all the buds off my plants,” Hoggert said. “At first I wanted to run cause he’s very scary, but I thought he might eat all of my marijuana plants and that’s how I used to make a living. I pointed my shotgun at him and he put up his hands, scared.”

“That’s when I looked down and noticed he had a huge erection between his legs. I hadn’t gotten any in a while and well, from there, it somehow turned into an adult movie. I don’t know if he started it or I did. He did me from behind, which felt great.”

Hoggert said the relationship blossomed from just “sex partners’ into a deep love.

“He is so sweet and caring,” Hoggert said. “He brings me flowers and mushrooms. Holds me while we stargaze. The only downside is that he don’t speak English. I have taught him how to say my name, but it’s kind of garbled and he mispronounces it…’Nunnnsay’”

Hoggert said they’re trying for a baby, with no luck thus far, but she is confident it will happen even though she is 52.

“Once I’m pregnant, Bigfoot, or John as I call him, and I are going to settle down and live a quiet domesticated life in my house. He loves living in the forest, but I’m sick of the long-distance relationship. I have to commute for three hours to be with my man. It’s getting old and gas is expensive.”

Hoggert also said she’s going to legally change her last name to Nancy Bigfoot.

Of course, the big question… will she reveal Bigfoot to the public? Will humanity finally have living proof the mythological creature is real?

“Nah,” Hoggert said regarding presenting Bigfoot to the world. “Government scientists will just take and dissect him or try to turn him into a solider to fight ISIS or something. You know how the government is.”

She did say she will sell pictures and samples of Bigfoot’s fur through a website she plans to set up.

“Now that marijuana is legal in Washington State I don’t have an income,” Hoggert said. “So capitalizing on my boyfriend’s fame is how I plan to make money.”

Source

About Craig Woolheater
Co-founder of Cryptomundo in 2005. I have appeared in or contributed to the following TV programs, documentaries and films: OLN's Mysterious Encounters: "Caddo Critter", Southern Fried Bigfoot, Travel Channel's Weird Travels: "Bigfoot", History Channel's MonsterQuest: "Swamp Stalker", The Wild Man of the Navidad, Destination America's Monsters and Mysteries in America: Texas Terror - Lake Worth Monster, Animal Planet's Finding Bigfoot: Return to Boggy Creek and Beast of the Bayou.


6 Responses to “Do What?”

  1. cryptokellie responds:

    OMG! What is this inane trash doing here? “Now that pot is legal in Washington State, I have no income” explains it all.
    Nancy and John Bigfoot no less. Trying to have a baby since 2008 and she’s fifty two years old. At some point, the percentage of brain cell lost by dope cannot be replaced. That ship has sailed.

  2. Chalupacabra responds:

    Gold-digger.

  3. Matt Bille responds:

    Umm… yeah. Funny, most women claim they don’t like hairy dudes.

  4. cryptokellie responds:

    Calling Discovery and Animal Planet…I think that there could possibly be a new reality survival show here. We’ll call it, “Naked and Ashamed”. The demand for Bigfoot/Wookie costumes will significantly increase in that part of Washington State.

  5. springheeledjack responds:

    This is what you call taking a break from the serious study and kick back and relax with something just too goofy not to print it . . .

    I for one don’t believe that Bigfoot isn’t more discriminating . . . c’mon, he’s not just going to get it on with the first pot farmer he comes across…

    On the other hand, if she can get 15 minutes with this, I’m going digging for those pics of me n Nessie hanging out in the pub tossing back pints of bitter…

  6. Megatherium responds:

    Can you imagine the thousands of sweaty, stinky dudes who will now insist to their gals that it’s not necessary to take a shower BEFORE getting frisky?! I mean heck if Nancy can get it on with Bigfoot who no doubt smelled like you-know-what then why not…?!?

    Furthermore, when Nancy “assumed the position” was she like hanging from a tree with Johnny Bigfoot on his knees?!? Good gravy….

    I think the funniest (and probably the most tale-telling) was when the witness said the Bigfoot raised his hands when she drew her shotgun. She didn’t mention if she then frisked him after….wait….guess she did!




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